Do not call me Christine...

OK, I've lived and travelled to some pretty awesome places, most of which don't have English as their native, first, or even second language.  So I'm used to butchered English (or Engrish)--I spent four years teaching in Asia, where many of the sounds in the English language just don't come naturally to Asians.  Remember 'A Christmas Story'? The scene in the Chinese restaurant where the waiters are singing 'Jing-ro berrs, Jing-ro berrs' instead of 'Jingle Bells'?  Yeah, well, that's not much of an exaggeration.  The /r/ and /l/ sound are the same in more countries than you'd think.  Actually, Christmas time in Seoul is almost comedic; more than half the population are now Christian, and during the holidays, just like in the good ol' USA, they blare Christmas music everywhere.  With one tiny difference: in Seoul, it's music sung by Koreans, so you get many renditions of 'Jing-ro berrs' and 'Melly Chlistmas to You'.  I normally don't like Christmas music, but that year, I found the whole season to be...amusing. 

So I can understand when non-native speakers can't pronounce my name.  If you think about it, Chris is quite difficult, with the /kr/ sound in the beginning.  I got used to being called 'Curse' or 'Kiss' because that was simply the best many could manage.  OK, fine. 

So imagine my disappointment on arriving to Uganda, a country that speaks English (and multiple tribal languages), only to find that even here, no one can seem to pronounce my name.  But it's not because they can't, but because they just don't understand that my name is not Christine.  It is, in fact, Christina, although I prefer Chris.  No matter how many times I introduce myself as Chris or Christina, without fail, I will be referred to as Christine.  Even in emails and Facebook messages, where my name clearly displayed, I still get Christine, or even stranger, Krisss.  Now, Ugandan colloquial English is still something I'm wrapping my head around.  It consists of made-up spellings and Ugandan-English words.  And the ubiquitous God reference, usually in the form of a 'God bless' of sorts. 

Now, I must confess something: I really dislike the word 'muzungu'.  It means white person, or foreigner.  It's not the meaning that I dislike; in Thailand, I was a 'farang', in Korea, a 'mee-guk'.  It's how it is used, especially out here in small-town Uganda.  Here, it's used more as a harassment tool than a way of addressing or referencing me.  On a small side-note, something I find unfailingly amusing the Ugandan greeting: "How are you?" "I'm fine, how are you?" "I'm fine. (How are you?)"  This can go back and forth a few times with someone not as familiar with English, or is perhaps really excited to be speaking to a muzungu.  But that is not what amuses me--no matter what you use as a greeting, you will always be answered with "I'm fine, how are you?".  I, for example, still revert to my Western way of greeting with a simple "Hello", which, as we just learnt, is returned with a "I'm fine, how are you?"  I've even had men on the street, in a quick walk-by greeting, try to fit it all in, "I'm fine, how are you, muzungu?" 

The greeting is very important here.  If you don't answer, they keep asking until you do.  Or in the case when you are walking down the street and simply don't have the energy to respond to every male that greets you (because the women never do, which makes me suspicious), they simply begin to yell "How are you?" over and over, louder and louder.  They will yell it from across the street.  From down the street.  They will cross the street to do it.  They will follow you.  I'm considering getting a vest to wear over my clothes for when I'm walking around the town that says, "I'm fine....but don't call me Christine."